


Bridging the Distance

by DisasterLesbean



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, PTSD, Recovery, idk it was supposed to be a happy halloween prompt and i got distracted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 15:25:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterLesbean/pseuds/DisasterLesbean
Summary: Hermione wasn’t sure how after nearly two decades Bellatrix could still surprise her, still make her fall in love with her all over again, but she managed it.





	Bridging the Distance

She remembers learning about World War II in muggle school, before the letter and Hogwarts. She remembers the vague details they were taught that made Hermione go to the public library. She was too young to be taught the realities of war. The brutalities of nations and people. The ghosts that still haunted people. The pictures she found in the books are what fills her mind in these moments. These moments where she’s so far away from herself. Floating away.

It wasn’t pictures of the fighting. It was pictures of the survivors. The beaten down and broken. The people who were still fighting, still in war, even years later. That’s how she feels.

It astounded her that war was always relatively quick. It’s like a flare. Quick to burn but so bright. So bright it burns the eyes of anyone caught in its gaze. The Second Wizarding War was just like that. Over as soon as it really started. Only a few years in a long history. Yet, Hermione’s eyes remained burned. Charred against the horrors she lived and survived. 

Parts of her are still in that war. She doesn’t feel what people expect her to feel anymore. She hasn’t in a long time. It's been years since it ended but she’d still there. Delphi was grown and in Hogwarts. She was Hermione’s age when she’d been tossed into a war she had no business being thrown into. She was thankful for every day that passed and her child didn’t have to face any of the terrors she had to. Grateful that she got to experience her childhood.

Other than her child, she has issues feeling for anything. She’s unfeeling to the world at large. It’s as if she’s watching herself go through the motions. Day by day she feels less and less herself. She isn’t sure who she is anymore. She works more hours than she should and then she comes home. Bellatrix and her schedules hardly line up. Bellatrix is often busy dealing with the Death Eaters and doing whatever the Dark Lord commands of her. Often she isn’t home when Hermione happens to be. 

It wasn’t the same between them with the new distance. It was a gradual divide, one that was built upon late nights. One late night led to another, soon it was late weeks. She hasn’t seen her wife in what felt like weeks.

It was late at night when Hermione saw Bellatrix walk into their living room. Hermione was sitting on the couch with papers spread out in front of her and tea that had long since gone cold.

Bellatrix came in and sat down on the table, over the papers Hermione had been staring at. She brushed a lock of Hermione’s hair back, tucking it behind her ear. “You’re up late.” She was. She’d usually be in bed by now. If she was still awake this late it was because she was still at the office.

“I lost track of time.” 

“You seem to be doing that a lot.” Hermione was about to dispute the claim when Bellatrix picked up her hand. She kissed the ink stained knuckles, keeping hold of her hand. “You always say something when I’m not okay. This is me saying something.” Hermione couldn’t look away from Bellatrix’s beseeching look. 

She knew Bellatrix wouldn’t let this go. She also knew she was right. She could pretend to be fine to the world. She could deal with all the dignitaries and her friends and no one would suspect a thing. Bellatrix knows her, has known her for nearly two decades. She couldn’t hide from herself or the past with Bellatrix. Despite being relatively distant the past few months there was no escaping the strength of their bond. The length of their history. They fundamentally understood each other. “I know.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

She keeps these emotions to herself for any number of reasons. She can never fully leave the war behind. She hates having it plague her, she can’t do anything about that. She can do her best to keep it from spilling out onto those she cares for. She can keep her demons to herself instead of making Bellatrix deal with them. She can allow Delphi to think her mother is more together than she really is. “Crept up on me.” 

“I’ll be around more.” Bellatrix assured her. Hermione obviously wasn’t the only one aware of the distance that had mounted between them. 

Bellatrix proved true to her word, coming home at a more regular schedule. Hermione doesn’t know how she got away with it but didn't question it. She cut her hours back at the office and spent more time at home. At Bellatrix’s insistence she went back to seeing someone at St. Mungo’s. She found herself needing to be near Bellatrix as often as possible. It went from a noticed but unaffecting absence to an impossibility to bear. 

It was slow but she felt pieces of herself coming back, locking into place. She never did get all the pieces back, but it was a start. Delphi could tell the difference. In one of her recent letters she wrote that Hermione seemed happier. She felt guilty at letting her issues get the better of her to the point to where her daughter could tell. She wouldn’t see Delphi until Christmas break. She missed her daughter but Delphi seemed happy with her friends at school. 

With harvest coming to a close Bellatrix and Hermione were expected at the Malfoy’s to celebrate Samhain. They went there every year. A gathering of close friends and family. Delphi could have gotten permission to come as well but Bellatrix and Hermione urged her to stay behind with her friends.

“Muggles.” Came a scoff from the doorway. 

Hermione was reading on their bed, waiting for Bellatrix to join her. “What’d we do this time?” She asked without looking up.

“Halloween! Why dress up as character and beg for candy? Just buy it!” 

“Here I thought you’d understand disguises.”

“I never hid.” There was no shortage of disdain and judgement in her tone for those who did. She dropped onto the bed next to Hermione struggling to take her boots off.

“My mistake, I forget you’re the big bad Death Eater.” Hermione dropped a kiss onto Bellatrix’s forehead and got a murderous glare in return. 

“I suppose if I were to beg for sweets I’d want to hide my face as well. Try to save some dignity.”

“It’s fun when you’re a kid. People give you more candy than you’d get any other time of the year. Kids don’t really have money to go buy candy and most parents wouldn’t let them eat that much.”

“Why do adults do it then?”

“You’re too focused on trick-or-treating, there’s a lot of other ways to celebrate muggle Halloween.”

Bellatrix finally managed to get her boots off and laid back alongside Hermione, turned towards her. “Like?”

“Like buying yourself an inappropriate amount of candy.” She humored the other witch who let out a triumphant laugh.

“You agree buying is so much better than begging?”

“I think kids shouldn’t be condemned for enjoying Halloween but for adults buying is just more convenient. Plus, I miss muggle candy. Don’t have to worry about chasing my chocolate or eating anything that tastes like earwax.”

“Muggles.” Bellatrix huffed again shoving her face into the juncture of Hermione’s shoulder groaning.

Hermione and Bellatrix had sent their order of dress robes off to the store weeks ago. They took the opportunity to dress nicer during family celebrations. Hermione was often dressed in professional work robes. Admittedly nicer than most wore on an average day as it was expected of her but it still wasn’t as fashionably conscious as the robes they’d ordered. She’d be lucky to get Bellatrix in anything but her usual clothing unless the Dark Lord ordered it of her. Holidays were some of the few occasions they dressed up.

Bellatrix had gone to retrieve the dress robes and Hermione waited at home. She found she was okay with the absence. After the rough patch of a few months where she didn’t feel much of anything, then the way she hated being separated from Bellatrix, she finally felt like she was levelling out. The scars from the war lessened with time as well. The more time she spent actively working against her own troublesome thoughts the less the war shredded her mind. It still had its pound of flesh but she was able to move passed it. She wouldn’t allow the war to blind her to what she had, who she was.

Bellatrix arrived back home, dress robes in hand, and a glowing smile. 

Hermione kissed her when she got close. “Go get dressed.” Bellatrix instructed shoving the dress robes into her arms. Hermione laughed at her wife’s antics heading upstairs to get changed. The process took a few minutes, the robes slightly more complicated than her daily routine. The living room was not how she left it when she came back downstairs. 

It was a disaster. Spider web was covering nearly every surface, whether real or not she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. Pumpkins were scattered across surfaces, skeletons posed around the rooms, obviously fake ghosts on the walls. Bellatrix stood in the middle of the mess dressed in her over the top dress robes that did not fit the room.

“We’re not going to Cissy’s.” Bellatrix reached her hand out, inviting Hermione forward. She took her hand and allowed Bellatrix to drag her back towards the couch. Bellatrix laid down and pulled Hermione on top of her. She pulled a bowl full of muggle candy towards them.

Hermione wasn’t sure how after nearly two decades Bellatrix could still surprise her, still make her fall in love with her all over again, but she managed it. She tried to formulate some response, some thanks for something she didn’t even realise she wanted or needed, but Bellatrix just handed her a piece of wrapped chocolate. She could taste the cheap chocolate, she could feel the warmth in the room, she could feel Bellatrix solid beneath her, she could feel the love in the room.

“Muggles.”


End file.
